she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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