Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
