At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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