Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
