I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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