i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
