finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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