True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
