I forgot how hot balto sounded
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
