Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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