I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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