Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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