Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
