it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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