All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
