my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
