Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
