ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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