i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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