She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
