Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
