We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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