i jhust puked up my retainher.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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