I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
