Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
