im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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