4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
