Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
