Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
