the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
