after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't deserve a penis
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
