I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
