I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Vodka?
Forever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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