we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
