youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
