drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
