my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
