in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Randomize
