i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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