Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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