Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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