and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
