Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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