my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
