I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
