This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
