Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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