If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
