I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
