Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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