Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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