I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
