I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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