I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
