At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
