I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
